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 Post subject: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 11:49 pm 
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Utsusemi placed down the finished mask, the last one for today. All in all, she was proud of her handiwork, considering that masks was never really something she had much experience with before. And even if Kenzo's was a little on the simpler side than the others, as he had wanted one less ostentatious, it was still her favourite.

She smiled to herself as she admired it, looking forward to seeing her Mirumoto yojimbo wearing it with the outfit he was still keeping as a surprise. He should probably be back soon too, she figured, and sipped some of the port that Yubari had gifted to her on the first day of their arrival here.

The light of the lantern outside had been lit, and all she had to do was wait...



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:08 am 
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Normally, Kenzo's footsteps were light and easy; he walked with the step of someone who moved naturally quietly, and did their best not to disturb their surroundings. This time, the steps announcing someone approaching the door were heavy, dragging just a little with each step. But the tap on the frame to announce him was familiar, leaving no doubt that the figure was Kenzo.

He pulled open the door. Lit by the lamp, shadows seemed to flicker all around him. Especially his face, making him appear paler than usual, leaving his eyes dark. His hand reached out, extinguishing the lantern, briefly plunging him into darkness.

After dropping his pack off, Kenzo stepped forward, sliding the door shut behind him, and entering the circle of light inside. His remaining gear all seemed in good order, but his face still looked pale. "Utsu..." He said softly. "How was your day?" He went on almost immediately. "Do we have any hot water? It's cold..." Indeed, he looked cold, although it wasn't especially.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:25 am 
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The unfamiliar footsteps at first put her on edge, and Utsusemi placed down her cup of port to move to begin moving towards where she kept her naginata. But as she heard the tap on the doorframe, her concerns eased a little, as she knew at least it was Kenzo who was finally returning.

She was soon there to meet him in the entryway, but... there was certainly something wrong, even she could notice it.

"Not ready right now, but I can heat it up, if you wish? For a bath, or just to drink?" she asked, stepping a little closer to get a better look at him. A hand raised to touch his pale forehead. "Are you alright? You're so pale... you look like you've seen a ghost."



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:35 am 
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"Just... to drink, I think. I don't know. No need to trouble yourself. Perhaps... perhaps I just need to sit. I'll warm up soon enough." He shifted a little, making no real move to sit.

His skin was, in fact, just a little cool to the touch. Kenzo's eyes closed, and he leaned forward at the touch of her hand. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to reach out to her, but her touch was so welcome...

The innocent phrase was both extremely funny and extremely not. Kenzo laughed, but when he did, his lips pulled back in more a grimace than a smile. "Oh, Utsu." He whispered. "I did. I really did..." He trailed off, still swaying uncertainly on his feet.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:47 am 
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Utsusemi frowned, concerned about what he was going on about. Was he sick? Drunk? No... he didn't smell like he had been drinking. Had something happened today during the expedition?

"Come now," she offered him her shoulder to lean on, her voice calm and soothin, "let's sit down, and get you warm, hm?"



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:00 am 
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Kenzo nodded. "Yes. You're right. I should." He said, his voice rather vague. Utsu would be able to feel tension in his body. For a moment, he stiffened as she touched him, only to nearly melt against her a moment later. Now and then, she could feel a faint tremor in his body as he leaned against her. Somewhat limply, he would let her guide him to a seat.

"I suppose..." A smile briefly flickered across his face as he looked at her, although it scarcely touched his eyes. "I suppose it must seem that I'm acting rather strangely. I will explain directly. Just... give me a moment." He said, the tremor passing through him again.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:07 am 
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It felt unnerving to see him like this, as it was unusal that Kenzo was not cheerful and optimistic. Only this morning he had been smiling, comforting her when she felt the future looked bleak, and now he looked like he had one foot in the grave. The closest comparison to this was perhaps the first times they had met, not long after his mother had passed... but even in his grief then he had seemed to smile.

Utsusemi guided him to the common room, easing him down on one of the cushions. Even as she reached for the bottle of port to pour some of the red liquid for him, one hand held onto his gently, as a physical sign of her support of him. "Take your time, Kenzo," her voice was soothing as she offered a half-full cup of the wine, hoping it would make him feel some warmth in his bones at least. "I'm here for you... if you need me to listen, or if you just need me near."



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:19 am 
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Kenzo allowed himself to be led along. His hand clung tight to hers, a contrast to her gentle touch. Eventually, as he took the cup, his hand shifted, fingers entwining with hers. Even before he lifted the cup to his lips, sipping carefully, some of the color seemed to have returned to his face.

He took a deep breath. Kenzo looked at her, warmth in his eyes, a real smile finally touching his lips. The walk back to Yomogiu had been dark, and cold, and he'd had nothing but his thoughts for company. Her presence, her touch, was already warming him.

"Thank you. Utsusemi." He said. His voice was still soft, but quiet rather than lifeless. "I'm doing a bit better now. Well enough to explain." His thumb began to rub against her hand, the familiar loving gesture bringing him more comfort.

He took another sip. "Miya-sama's ship set out into the mist. It wasn't long before we entered the mist. And then... suddenly, the wind stopped. The mist closed in all around us. And... I could hear a voice. I could hear her voice." Some of the tension was coming back into Kenzo; he gripped her hand a little tighter.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:30 am 
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The familiar gesture of his affection did ease her worries a little bit, and her hands closed around his, hoping that her warmth and nearness would be a comfort to him.

Utsusemi listened to him as he began to speak, paying close attention to not only his words, but the small changes in his face and body language as well. Feeling his hand tighten around hers dispelled any thoughts she might have had about who he had meant.

There was only person Kenzo could mean.

Her eyes widened slightly in alarm. "... A mirage, or...?" she inquired quietly, shifting closer to him.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:39 am 
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Kenzo shook his head. "I don't know." He said, his voice rough, his jaw clenching. He took a deep breath. The touch of Utsu's hand soothed him, and the scent of her, detectable now that she was closer, helped further, keeping the worst of his fears away.

Swallowing, he went on, his eyes closing. "She appeared as she did in the nightmare I had, a few weeks ago. Not just dying, but long dead, skeletal. She looked at me with empty eyesockets... and she said things. Such terrible things."

His eyes opened wide, and he leaned forwards towards Utsu. "It can't have really been her. She never would have said that!" His voice was more pleading than firm.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:45 am 
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Moving one hand away from his while the others still held his firmly, Utsusemi wrapped a warm embrace around Kenzo, hushing gently to calm him.

"Maybe it was just the nightmare, coming back? From all you've told me of her, she would never have said something to hurt you, Kenzo. No parent would do that to their child." She spoke in hushed tones, offering her support to him, even if she wasn't sure about what he was saying. Ghosts and spirits was a little beyond her ken, but... what she knew she could do is to be the comfort he needed now.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:53 am 
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As soon as Utsu's arm was around him, Kenzo drew a deep, shuddering breath. He let his face burrow gently into her hair, feeling the soft touch of it on his face. His arm slid around her as well, gently. With an effort, his breathing grew steady. Utsu depended on his strength, Kenzo reminded himself firmly. He would need to be strong for her, even as she tended to his mental wounds.

"Maybe. I don't know." He sighed. "It seems like it couldn't have been her." His voice was steadier, now. "Unless she entered my dream... which came first?" He grimaced at the unsettling thought.

A moment passed, as Kenzo let Utsu hold him. As he gathered his strength. "She asked me to come with her, to her home there. It didn't seem right... I told her my home is elsewhere now." A smile touched his lips at that, only to fade a moment later. "She told me that she lived and died in vain. And told me to never have children." His voice was steady as he said the terrible words.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:02 am 
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The arm wrapped around him protectively, and he could feel her warm and slender fingers brushed over his hair. Even for such a lithe woman, the warmth of her embrace felt safe and comforting... the kind of place one could run and hide from nightmares and other things that go bump in the night.

Utsusemi heard the words, and noticed herself that the movements of her fingers had stopped. It sent a cold feeling down her spine. She was fairly certain she was not pregnant from their previous unions, even if the work on the temple had postponed such for a while, but it didn't feel like it was something she could say as a comfort.

"... Do you believe your mother would have said that? Or that she lived and died in vain?" she eventually asked, hugging him a little tighter.



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:13 am 
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"Mmmm." Even as distraught as he was, Kenzo couldn't help but feel comforted by Utsu's embrace, by the comforting sensation of her fingers, those fingers he so enjoyed, brushing through his hair. It was as though each time her hand brushed against him, some of his fear was brushed away with it. He smiled, shifting against her, settling more comfortably into their mutual embrace.

Which made it all the more noticeable when she stopped. After a moment, Kenzo frowned, mildly concerned. He'd just begun to lift his head when Utsu spoke again.

Kenzo sighed. "No." He said, leaning against her once more. He smiled as she squeezed him; he gave her a little squeeze in response, letting her know he was okay. "No. I believe none of it. I can't countenance the idea that she would wish the one, or think the other."

He sighed again. "And yet... it is hard to hear. I can't help but wonder..."



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:24 am 
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Utsusemi sighed silently, the exhaled breath brushing over Kenzo's hair as her fingers resumed their soothing touch.

"... I don't believe it," she offered after a thoughtful moment, her voice still soft and quiet. "It does not sound like the woman you have spoken of with admiration, or the words of the mother who raised a good man like you."

Her fingers entwined with his, squeezing his hand firmly. "Your mother would wish for your happiness and future, Kenzo. What you heard, what you saw... it cannot have been her."



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:30 am 
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Kenzo's eyes shut, but it was not the anguished shutting out of the world it had been before. It was peaceful, reflective. "I think you're right." He said. "I cannot wholly banish the fear that it was... that what that vision said is what my mother believes. But my reason tells me it cannot be so."

He turned his head, kissing her elegant neck. "And you tell me it cannot be so." He said, smiling. "That means as much as my reason. If you say I am a good man..." His smile grew. "Well, I've said before that you are an excellent judge. I can hardly doubt you."



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:43 am 
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She smiled as well, though it was more cautious than Kenzo's in comparison.

"A shugenja could probably offer better guidance than I, but... from what I understand a ghost to appear like that means they passed feeling intense grief and sadness. It... just doesn't sound like your mother, from what you have told me." Utsusemi almost regretted saying the words once they had been uttered, as they probably were not as comforting as she had hoped for them to be.

"I think, she would want for you to be happy, Kenzo, have your own family too one day, and carry on the love she gave to you." There, that sounded better. "Just as your friends, myself included, want you to be happy too."



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:54 am 
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Kenzo nodded, but a shadow seemed to pass over his face. "Yes. You're right." He said, but there was a hint of guardedness in his voice. Vulnerability. He fell silent.

After a moment, he lifted her hand, entwined with his. Gently, he brought it to his lips. His eyes were on hers as he gently kissed the back of her hand, his lips soft, lingering there. Finally, wordlessly, he lowered it, keeping his hand locked with hers.

He smiled at her again. It was a bit faint, but his spirits were clearly rallying. "Yes, I don't think she could have wanted other than for me to be happy. Although I was all she had..." He shook his head, dispelling the dark thoughts before they could form. "But perhaps, then, I should seek to be happy, if all those I love want me to be?"



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:59 am 
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The guardedness was not unnoticed. It was so rare for her to see him so vulnerable... afraid? Or something else?

Utsusemi's free hand slipped through his hair, letting the tips of her fingers trace along his jawline as she tilted his chin to look up at her. "Kenzo... please, you can tell me what's on your mind. Seeing you like this... it saddens me, and I wish to help you," she looked at him with concern, the hazel of her eyes appearing so warm compared to the cold flecks of opal.

"So please... don't shut it in."



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 Post subject: Re: A Candle By The Window (D9, EN)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:30 am 
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Kenzo's eyes widened as Utsu's fingers traced along the strong line of his his jaw. The warmth in her eyes heated him, his own dark brown orbs softening in response.

Hearing her words, Kenzo took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." He said, giving her a wan smile. "Making you sad is the last thing that I want to do." It was with an almost visible effort that he rallied, injecting cheer into his expression.

"I..." He hesitated. "I suppose it will not surprise you to learn that I am usually optimistic about the future." He gave a wry twist of his lips, his eyes flashing humorously at her. But only for a moment.
"It's just today... I am finding it harder to do."



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