Kenzo's eyes closed at Utsu's touch, and his lips curled up into a smile at her kiss. "Utsusemi..." He murmured, letting his arms slide around her waist. As passionate as they'd been earlier, it was also so very pleasant to just hold her, and enjoy her tender touch. His eyes slowly opened. He couldn't find words, but the love in his eyes as they met hers was more than enough to convey his feelings.

"No, don't apologize." Kenzo shook his head, his eyes closing once more. "For a moment, I was weak. I was thinking of myself, how this might affect us." His lips pressed together, now embarrassed by the memory of that moment. "I want so much to be worthy of your love, Utsusemi. I promise you, I won't fail you again."

"No... you should think of yourself too," Utsusemi insisted, her hold on his face becoming a bit firmer. "...You can't only think of me. And sometimes... I do need to learn to stand on my own."

She shuddered as she drew a deep breath. "As I must when I come home. Too long... I've just been silent and complying. For my children's sake, I can't carry on like that anymore... living like a hollow person of who I am." Her lips touched his forehead once more. "You've given me that strength to find myself again, Kenzo, to think that I can stand up for myself."

Feeling a small itch from the ruined makeup on her cheek, one hand let go of Kenzo's face to rub her cheek... and seeing the ruined makeup, she let out a weak chuckle. "... I must look pretty awful right now."

After the briefest of hesitations, Kenzo nodded. "You're right. I promise you that I will, and I do. If there is something that I want, I will share that with you." He smiled, almost playfully. "I have no intention of denying my feelings to you again."

His expression grew more serious as she spoke, his eyes briefly closing at the kiss on his forehead. "I'm glad for that, Utsu. Both that you will do it, and that I could help in some way."

His eyes opened again at her question. "Do you?" He said softly. His hands left her waist, coming up to gently cup her face with both hands. He leaned forward, his lips finding hers, joining in a kiss, gentle but deep. He parted slowly, lips lingering on hers even as he was pulling away, before curling up into a playful smile. "In truth, I didn't notice."

"Nevertheless..." He leaned far, far out, his lean body stretching to its full length. He just managed to hook his discarded trousers with a finger. Pulling them close, he reached into the pocket, retrieving a small green handkerchief. With a smile and a flourish, he presented it to her, as though performing a feat of magic.

The seriousness of the moment was dispelled with the little 'magic trick', as Utsusemi couldn't help herself from a small giggle at the sudden appearance of a handkerchief. "Truly... you are a hero," wiped her eyes first with her fingers as she accepted the offered handkerchief.

"I didn't even know you had something like this." Gently she began to dab around her eyes to wipe away both tears and ruined makeup. "And here I am... laughing, smiling. I'm... just in awe of you, Kenzo, how you can manage to make me do that, all things considered."

Kenzo smiled, his eyes alight as he watched her. "Well... there's only so much credit for foresight that I can take. It came with the outfit. Apparently it's fashionable to carry that sort of thing."

Her hands were occupied, so his came down to rest just above her knees instead, delicately squeezing her flesh. "But, beyond that," He smiled. "-you bring out the best in me, Utsusemi. I may make you laugh, and smile. You make me a hero." He rose up a little, leaning forward to kiss the top of her head. "I'm not sure if it's because that's how you see me, or that's what you need. Regardless..." He shrugged, gently kissing the top of her head once more.

"Maybe a little bit of both...?" Utsusemi sounded a little hopeful as Kenzo kissed her once more. "... It's just... apart from Sanjuro, I never felt like I had someone on my side. And well... he doesn't go against his brother much, doesn't speak much, and not long after Tsumugi was born he left Dragon lands."

Her fingers wringed the fabric nervously, as she worried about upsetting Kenzo by talking about it.

"I think it's been good for both of us, to gain some distance... though for him, it's still not far away enough, since he'll be joining the fleet that continues onward."

As the conversation turned, Kenzo's expression turned a bit more serious, showing the slightest pinching of his lips. Again, he felt a pang of jealousy, but it was brief and hollow, no real force behind it. Sanjuro and Utsu shared something that he and Utsu never would, something he'd incorrectly thought about Ryuden and Utsu. And he'd come to accept that; he could come to accept this slight change.

And Kenzo knew that he had Utsu's love. Now that the shock had passed, that was more than enough to quell any sting.

Slowly, Kenzo nodded. "I think, perhaps, I am fortunate. My path has always been clear to me, even from a young age. There were other ways in which I am fortunate-" He smiled, "-but perhaps that is the most significant. I think, from what I've seen..." Kenzo hesitated a moment, and then nodded. "Sanjuro will do quite well, continuing on. Just as you've done so well here."

"... I envy that for you," her smile was weak, her eyes looking down as she paused in the routine of removing the makeup. "I mean... not that my path didn't seem clear when I was young; be a good daughter, do my duty to the family, bring honour to our family. Guess it all just got... a lot more complicated when things didn't turn out as I thought it would."

Utsusemi sighed, watching the stains she was leaving on the handkerchief. Sometimes, it was hard to believe it had been so many years since she shared any intimacy with her husband. "I just... thought it would somehow all turn out alright somehow once Yoshi was born. It was perhaps rather foolish of me to think so..." to think that doing what he asked of me, going through it all for him. For us.

Her lips pressed together as she looked up at Kenzo. "... I should probably hate him, but... even that, I still can't bring myself to hate him."

Kenzo listened, his eyes gently sympathetic. His lips twisted, more than once, both at the mild black humor, and in further sympathy. "I do not think it is foolish to hope." His eyes went distant, a faint smile on his lips. "I remember seeing you, just after Yoshi was born. You looked so happy..."

A slight narrowing of the eyes, a trace of wistfulness, before she shook it off, looking to her once more. He sighed. "Utsu, I hope you will accept the word of someone outside looking in. The unhappiness between you... it is not for lack of trying in you. Indeed, not any fault of yours." His lips quirked. "There may be some slight bias on my part-" His hands, resting on her thighs, gave her a gentle squeeze, "-but I've thought that for a while."

That last brought a mild grimace to Kenzo's lips, although his eyes softened as her gaze met his. "I must confess, my feelings towards him are rather harsh, at the moment." Kenzo said, giving her a crooked smile. "But... again, I think you make me a better man. If you don't hate him, neither shall I." Even if he was not the children's biological father, he was their father in another sense. That meant something to Utsusemi, he knew.

Her smile grew fond at the memory. "... I was happy then. Really, I was," Utsusemi chuckled softly. She had been so happy, to have given birth to a child that had been so wanted. A sense of accomplishement, in a way, but then... he had been such a darling baby too. She hadn't been prepared to how much she could love something so small.

She finished wiping away the worst of it for now, and her hands reached for Kenzo's as her eyes met his. "I can't tell you what to feel about this, Kenzo, just... please, don't do anything rash, or foolish. For my sake, and the children's." Somehow she managed to be both deadly serious and tender in her words, her hands squeezing his.

Kenzo's eyes were as open and honest as ever as they met Utsu's. His face was serious, responding to the seriousness in her. His hands, though, responded to her tenderness. They turned over as his hands came to rest on his, giving her a squeeze in return as their fingers came together.

Gently, he shook his head. "I promise you, Utsu. I'll never do anything that would bring harm to you or your children." His lips twisted. "I may sometimes be given to bold action. But believe me, when I can, I prefer to take a thoughtful, measured approach. Don't worry." He gave her hands another little squeeze.

Her expression remained serious, followed with a serious nod. "Good," Utsusemi's smile seemed more at ease... before it twisted into a playful smirk. "Because there would be no safe place for you to hide from me."

A good sign, at least, that she could manage some humour. But Kenzo somehow always managed to draw that out of her, even in times like this, just like her soft, breathy laughter.

"... Oh... I should thank you. For putting me at ease."

Kenzo chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't doubt it." Grinning, he brought her hands up, planting enthusiastic kisses on first one, then the other. "So I shall not test you so."

His eyes were bright once again as he looked at her. The return of her humor brightened his own spirits.

Kenzo's eyebrows went up. "You mean, just now?" He shrugged. "Of course. Really, there's no need to thank me. That's just how we naturally are together, I think."

The sensation of his kisses tickled slightly, and she held back a small giggle.

"Yes, I meant just now. And yes, I do need to thank you... even if I agree that we just naturally seem to go together in these circumstances," Utsusemi's fingers brushed against his lips, caressing the skin of his cheek, and his chin. She noticed that he had been making an effort to trim his facial hair more since they started living together.

"I feel I should be allowed to thank you when I feel like it, no?" her head tilted slightly forward, so her eyes would have to look up at him. It was a rather clever little trick to seem more endearing.

Kenzo grinned as Utsu's fingers brushed across his face, his lips, the smooth skin of his cheeks. He pursed his lips trying to kiss her fingers as they danced past.

Ooh. Her question, her playfulness made him laugh. But the coy look she gave him, up through her lashes, made his blood grow hot. He laughed softly, even as his hands slid around her slender waist. "Why Utsu." He murmured, his tone playful. He dipped his head, letting his lips brush lightly across hers. "I cannot deny you, no matter what you wish. You may thank me whenever you please."

"Then," she murmured softly, as their bodies became closer and closer to eachother, "... thank you, Kenzo. For making it so that there are no longer these deep secrets between us, that might drag us down." Her in specifically, but if he had anything he wished to share, she would be his support too.

Having lightened her own burden, because she no longer was alone with it, it felt like their relationship had deepened for eachother. And Utsusemi's lithe fingers pulled Kenzo's face in closer for a kiss. "Thank you. For being here. For being the hero I need," her lips curled into a grin as she sought his gaze, "as well as the scoundrel I also need occassionally." She closed in for the kiss with great anticipation.

With this last veil between them removed, it was strange how she wanted him even more now.

Kenzo took a deep breath as they drew together, the heat of her body tangible against his. "Thank you, Utsu." He breathed. "You were the brave one. I wish there was something I could tell you..." What she had told him could tear her family apart. With the trust she showed him, it did indeed seem that there were no more secrets between them. They were already close, but this made them feel even closer.

But for now, the enormity of the secret was fading, and all that was left was him and Utsusemi. He smiled as their eyes met, his lips curling up to match her smile. He started to speak, but the gentle urging of Utsu's lithe fingers took his focus away, bringing him closer. Their lips met, and Kenzo kissed her deeply, passionately, his lips parting as his hands danced over her bare skin.

He gasped for breath as they parted, his eyes alight. "Actually, there is one thing. My shame as a yojimbo." His hands held her against him as he leaned forward, his lips going to her ear. "I'm hopelessly," He whispered, punctuating the words with a soft kiss on her ear, "-desperately," Another kiss, more vigorous, "-in love with my charge." His arms tightened around her as he gently nibbled at her delicate lobe.

Utsusemi gasped softly in response to his caresses. "Kenzo..." she murmured his name as her hands traced paths along his arms.

"... But that's no secret. At least, not to me." She teased him, her chest rising against his as she breathed deeply.

Kenzo's breath came in a soft hiss. The wonderful softness of Utsu's chest moving against him sent a sudden thrill of desire through his body. "Utsu..." He murmured, his voice rough with his passion. It was strange, the links between love and lust, closeness and desire. Strange, and yet at this moment, entirely undeniable.

He pulled back, just enough to bring them face to face once more, his smile once again showing that playful intensity. "That is my last secret, then. Nothing more remains between us." A strangely wonderful thought. One hand came up to gently brush across her cheek, as his lips pressed to hers in a surprisingly tender kiss. "I have given you my all."

He kissed her again then, but more vigorously, his lips moving against hers with a rising passion. His hands moved against her back, stroking her flesh, down to the small of her back. He parted a moment, his eyes hot as they met hers. "Or perhaps not all..." Another kiss, and another, each more passionate than the last. His hands gripped the curve of her hips, gently easing her back towards the futon.

It was both a strange and wonderful thing how she could show all her feelings with Kenzo; from the feelings of despair and desperation, to love, affection, and desire. It was a sin, she knew, but in moments like these, love and desire were difficult to separate.

Kenzo's hands made her moan softly with anticipation, just as hers were also caressing him, touching, exploring, pleasing...

"Then," Utsusemi's chest heaved once more as their lips parted, her breath trembling in response to his touch, "let us give eachother all we can... all that is within our power to give."

Her kisses were hot and intense as she let him guide her back down on the futon...

/fade