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 Post subject: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:50 pm 
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Step, step. Kenzo was quite nearly spent, an exhaustion of body being followed by a deeper exhaustion. The slightly wooded ground surrounding Yomogiu was lightly fogged, blanketing the area in a haze.

Grimacing, Kenzo waved away his escort, who bowed and departed. Berena had been kind enough to see to that, knowing that in Kenzo's injured state, he would surely attract the wrong sort of attention. But Kenzo wanted to take these last few steps by himself. Now, he was alone.

Step, step. His feet dragged, just a little, reminiscent of that terrible night when he'd seen his mother. The fog seemed to deepen as he approached, but Kenzo scarcely noticed, nor did he notice the chill that seemed to touch his spine. It didn't matter.

After giving his characteristic tap at the door, Kenzo slid it open, stepping inside. "Utsusemi?" He called softly.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:35 pm 
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Utsusemi heard the door opening, but she did not stir. She heard the familiar voice, but she found it hard to move. Even when she had been awake for an unknown time since she escaped her nightmare, she still felt numb.

Or was the nightmare even over? Was it just another cruel twist against her?

She heard the steps, heavy and agonized, it seemed, and she slowly pushed herself up from the table she had been slumped over for some time. The edges of one of her paintings had been smudged with her tears. Silently, she rose to her feet, moving to see if it really was Kenzo.

When she finally saw him, her eyes widened... her breath suddenly deep and painful as if she had been holding it in for Heavens know how long. It was obvious by the mussed makeup and slightly dishevelled state that she had been crying, but at least for now she felt as if her tears were spent, even as she approached with caution with a trembling hand reaching out to touch him, to see if he was actually real, and not another figment of her mind.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:42 pm 
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The smile, the excited light in Kenzo's eyes, both faded almost before they had begun to form. Instead, the brown eyes widened, lips parting at the sight of her. He remembered seeing her like this once before, perhaps, that night when she'd been nearly beyond comfort. If you were to be cut, I think I would bleed. The phrase he'd once uttered came suddenly to mind. Which of them had been cut, and which had bled? Enough injury for both of them, it seemed.

His step was unsteady, but it he moved forward anyway, closing the distance between them. "Utsusemi." He said, his voice a rough whisper, laced with emotion. His hands reached out, taking hers between them, bringing it to his chest. The thump of his heart was not so steady as usual, but it was undoubtedly there.

He lifted his hand, bringing it briefly to his lips, kissing it fiercely, his eyes locked with hers. "What's wrong?"



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:55 pm 
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It was hard to find words, she noticed, swallowing the dryness in her throat as she tried... but nothing came.

She could feel the heartbeat, the warmth of his lips fiercely pressed against the skin of her hand. He was real. And somehow that hurt more. But... he had returned. He had returned to her. Just like he promised.

"... You came back," Utsusemi finally said, her whisper almost painful in her throat as she let herself draw closer to him - drawn to his presence. It was just a dream. Just a dream. Kenzo is here, like he promised.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:08 am 
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Kenzo watched, his heart in his eyes, as Utsu hesitated, her pain almost a tangible thing. Some mild worry, he might have found flattering in its way, but this was enough to make his own worry rise up in helpless sympathy.

He let out the smallest sigh of relief as she drew closer. His arms came up, gently encircling her, drawing her to him as best he could. She would be able to feel the slightest tremble in his arms, revealing the current weakness of his body.

"Yes." He whispered. "I came back. It's okay, Utsu. I came back." Gently, he let his hand stroke down her back, the way he liked to. "I promised I would." He smiled, though she could not see, his cheek against hers.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:18 am 
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Utsusemi's face buried into shoulder as she hugged him tightly as if he might disappear at any moment. A new well of tears, from reserves she thought had already been tapped dry, sprung up as she realised he was here for real.

"I'm so sorry," she blurted out, shaking in his arms as the words came to her in a rush "I'm so sorry I doubted you... I thought... I tried to save you, all of you, but I couldn't, and I thought you wouldn't come back because..." her breath was sharp as she inhaled, unable to continue as she wept.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 3:32 am 
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Again, Kenzo's eyes widened, shocked by the sudden rush of tears. As best as he could manage, he tightened his arms around Utsu's lithe form, squeezing her against him.

"It's okay, Utsu." He said again. He was silent for a time, letting her cry against his chest, squeezing her gently. He tilted his neck, kissing the top of her head.

Finally, he spoke. "Utsu, I don't understand. You... I find myself concerned. Quite concerned. Did something happen?"



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 3:49 am 
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As she tried to control her tears, she finally noticed... the tremble in his arm, the weakness in his posture. And she felt so shameful now for having heaped her own troubles on him when he was wounded from battle. Battle against some sort of terrible enemies.

"I..." she shivvered as she struggled to compose herself, sniffling pitifully. For all her strength, she was also such a fragile thing, just like their shell. "I'm sorry... forgive me, Kenzo. You're hurt, and I... here I am burdening you. Please, let me help you."

Utsusemi leaned away from his chest, not quite raising her head as she offered to help him to the sitting room where he would be more comfortable.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:03 am 
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As she leaned away, Kenzo's hand came up. Gently, he let it brush against her cheek, brushing away the tears he found there. "Okay." He said, his voice soft.

He would allow Utsu to lead him. His arm around her was for support, emotional for her, but physical for him; indeed, she would be able to feel him lean heavily against her.

"I... was hurt, yes." He spoke, even as they moved. "Battle is always such, but..." He grimaced, shaking his head. "This was not like any battle I'd seen before." His lips pressed together.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:13 am 
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"... Did the medics see to you, or... do you need me to tend your wounds...?" It was obvious she was putting on a brave face for him, thinking of his well-being instead of her own. But still, she sounded uncertain and worried, unsure of what to do in this situation.

Utsu did what she could to shoulder as much of his weight as possible for her slight frame, steadily guiding him to the cushions. "... Do you want to lie down, or sit...?" she looked around, trying to think of what she could do to make him as comfortable as was possible in the circumstances, as she didn't know the severity of his wounds.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 5:46 am 
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"They... did, yes." Kenzo said, weakly turning his head to give her a concerned glance. Still, his lips twisted. "If you could call what that new fellow on the did medicine. If you could take a look..." He gestured towards his abdomen.

Gritting his teeth, Kenzo nodded. "Let me sit for now, I think." His grip on her tightened, just a little. "And please, sit with me. And tell me what's wrong, Utsu. Please." Concern, turning rapidly into worry and fear laced his tone. Whatever ailed her concerned him more than his injuries.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 6:04 am 
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She helped to ease him down to sit, before sinking down beside him.

"It's... just another nightmare," Utsusemi looked away, ashamed to say it out loud. "It's not real, it can't be real... but it felt..." she swallowed again. "It felt so real... I'm still not sure if, if I'm awake yet. Forgive me; it's a foolish thing, compared to what you had to face today..."

Even as she was trying to explain it away, she couldn't forget. The feeling of her children slipping from her grasp. The numbness of the poison she drank, which still seemed to linger somehow. Indeed, her hands, usually warm and pleasant to the touch now felt cold and clammy, as if she had a fever.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 6:18 am 
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Hearing that it was just a nightmare did nothing to dim the concern in Kenzo's eyes. Each of the recent times he'd had a nightmare, the fear of it lingered to the next day. He remembered the sight of her even now, trapped behind that unbreakable glass... no...

"Utsu." He said, his voice soft. He turned, shifting to face her. "It's real. I'm real. See?" His face was a little pale, but he managed a warm smile as he took her hands. Concern flashed in his brown eyes at the clammy feel, but his smile grew. "Your hands are freezing." His mind flashed back to that day long ago, the first time they were together as lovers. His hands pressed hers together, and then gently engulfed them. They were not quite so warm as usual, but they were warm nevertheless.

"Would it help to tell me what happened? I should be glad to hear it." With that same gentleness, he brought her hands closer, holding them against his chest.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 3:57 pm 
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She shivvered, the nightmare still fresh in her mind. And even if it wasn't, there was no way she could forget it. It had felt as real as if it had actually happened, and it had been imprinted upon her memory.

"I... was waiting for you," Utsusemi leaned closer until finding his forehead to rest against. The gesture allowed her to find some measure of calm, even when she couldn't raise her gaze to look at him. "It seemed like an eternity, the sun setting and rising over and over as I waited... but you wouldn't come, because... " she sniffled again, "... because I had only been a burden for you, unworthy of you... I thought you'd find someone else, someone who was more deserving of your love..."

There was nothing romantic about the way she bit her lower lip to stop herself from crying.

"Someone... someone was telling me that I've made you like me; unfaithful and treasonous. That I was as useless as my art - just words... just words that are obsolete after I write them. Somehow... somehow I thought I could prove them wrong, but... none of my words made sense." It sounded so ridiculous, to think she could save herself, or anyone, with art. "Because I'm just useless..." as much as she tried not too, fresh tears poured forth again.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:19 pm 
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Kenzo could feel the tremor in Utsu's body, so close to him. As she leaned her forehead against his, his hand came up, sliding through her hair to the back of her head. He listened silently as she spoke, his breath mingling warmly with hers. There was no stopping the chill that went through him at the mention of 'something', or 'someone'.

And then Kenzo saw the fresh tears, running down her cheeks. They brushed against his lashes as his eyes flickered.

"Utsusemi..." He whispered, soft but intense, his own features twisting as he struggled with his own sudden surge of emotion. "It is not true. Not a word of it. I..." He paused, as moment, swallowing. "I was tested today, and I think perhaps I was found wanting. But I should not have been able to carry on if it were not for you. For the strength you inspire me to have. For the thought of coming back to you..."

He turned his head, kissing the tears from her cheeks, one then the other, before pressing his forehead to her once more. "There is no one more worthy. More deserving. My love." His voice was tight, intense, as he desperately willed that he could push her sadness away.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:31 pm 
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"I-I know... and, I feel so ashamed for having doubted you," she trembled still as she hugged him. "And I feared you had fallen in the fight, because of my weakness... they told me you had fallen, th-that I had deserted my children, that I was the one to blame for everyone's unhappiness... and it's true..."

Utsusemi inhaled sharply, but her breath felt painful. If Kenzo was crippled physically from the fighting, she seemed to have suffered almost as equally severe injuries to her spirit. Even as he warmed her hands, she still felt almost numb to his touch.

"You, the children, Sanjuro... I saw you all fading away, and... and I was reminded of all you had said to me, but even then, I couldn't save anyone. I felt you all slip from my grasp. I... I couldn't choose, Kenzo. Maybe if I hadn't tried to save all of you, I might have succeeded... but..." It almost broke her, to have been unable to act, to have been unable to make a choice that could have saved someone instead of dooming them all.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:50 pm 
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"It's not true. It's not!" Kenzo said, his urgency growing. Just as she trembled against him, he trembled against her, emotional strain exasperating his physical injury. Both his arms slid around her, clutching at her almost desperately.

"Utsusemi..." He said, his voice growing more calm as they held each other. "I... don't think I understand what happened to you. My dreams were uncanny enough, but yours seems..." Gently, he shook his head, without breaking their forehead contact.

Again, his grip tightened, fingers digging lightly into her back, through her kimono. "But you have only given me happiness, Utsusemi. More than I imagined." His lips curled up into a smile. "Let that truth cut through the rest of the lies."



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 5:32 pm 
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Utsusemi felt his fingers digging into her back, even if it was difficult to. She felt feverish, but at least she could feel him - that he was really there.

She nodded gently. "They're lies... I know... but, even lies can hurt, Kenzo... like the ones I've been telling myself for so long."

Her hold on him easened slightly, but their foreheads remained close together. For the last part, she managed to calm herself enough to speak for now.

"I knew I could end it all somehow, if I was brave enough to take the knife, or stand up to what I have made. But instead, I chose the cup of poison... even when Ryuden offered it to me, and I knew in my heart that it was poison, I chose it... and I drank it all down." Her trembling continued as she spoke. "... Even now, its's difficult to feel anything but the Nothingness that consumed me."

There was a look of fever and sorrow in her eyes as she finally met his gaze, her hands slipping from his hold so that she could touch his face. "If you hadn't returned... I don't know if I could feel anything again..."



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 6:12 pm 
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Again, Kenzo listened silently, although he smiled without mirth on her comment about lies. The image of his skeletal mother came to mind, the terrible things she said echoing in his mind. Utsusemi had helped him, then, he remembered. His hand stroked her back. He would help her now, if he could.

A chill filled him once again as she described the dream, and her words after could not quite banish it. Still, he smiled warmly as her hands touched his face. Perhaps... perhaps it would be alright.

"I am glad that you can, that you will." Kenzo said softly. "Because my mind is very much on how I feel. And how you feel for me." He drew back his hand, reaching into his obi, and drawing forth a small item wrapped in cloth. Setting it on his lap, he began to unwrap it.

"You were afraid that I would find someone else." He said as he unfolded the cloth. "But let me assure you, now and forever, that such a thing is impossible." The cloth fell away, revealing the soft pink of the shell that they had found together, whole and unbroken.

Still smiling, he lifted it. "Because I only have one heart. And it belongs to you, Utsusemi." He held the shell out to her in his open palm. His eyes were wide as they met hers, glistening in the soft light.



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 Post subject: Re: Fresh Wounds (D12 LN)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:42 pm 
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Seeing their shell, delicate and fragile much like her heart, returned whole and unbroken, it seemed to restore some colour to her pale features and sorrowed eyes. A hand moved to overlap with his over the shell, fingers gently brushing over it's smooth surface.

"Yes..." she sobbed, but it was more from relief and joy this time than the pain she had felt before. "... Just as you have mine, Kenzo."

Utsusemi closed the brief distance between their lips, seeking comfort and reassurance that he truly was real and alive, and not a ghost that had come to torment her. Her lips were hot but dry as they found his, desperate for his nearness of a spiritual need rather than a physical one.



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