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| Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) http://ironhearts2.fallenash.com/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=528 |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 9:00 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"Hm," she gave a thoughtful nod as she finished chewing. "Very different than home, but a welcome change; it's so bustling with life and activity, and the Promenade and Plaza are quickly becoming favorite places for me to visit." There was a nostalgic vibe to her smile. "It reminds me much of the time before I married your brother, when I was spending most of my time at the Kakita Academy... It is almost a shame to leave it so soon, you know. But I assume you must be looking forward to travelling in the near-future?" |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 9:17 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"I've called this place home for the last two years, but it has changed; as housing creeps north, I have to go further and further to find some peace. Maybe the ocean is far enough. And I am curious of all those things I've read about. I would like to see at least some of them with my own eyes." He mused staring at his plate, then glanced at her, softer. "It's funny my attempt to move on is when I am reconnected with you." |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 9:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"It does seem to be the case," she agreed, her smile sincere as she looked back at him. "... would you have preferred Ryuden being here instead? Seeing how you don't see eachother much any more?" |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:16 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"No. Getting out of his long shadow has been good to me. I've become more of my own man now. We still see each other briefly when he comes to teach. I feel that much is enough." He contemplated her smile. "In truth, I am happy it's you. It's being untrue with myself about it what took my mind in strange directions." |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:48 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"Getting out of his shadow, huh?" She chuckled briefly. "Sounds like an apt description of what it feels like." "Strange directions like the other day? It was... very unlike you. In truth, it had me quite concerned." Utsusemi did look worried as she said it. "I just... hope you'll rather speak to me, when I upset you, rather than hurt yourself." |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"I am not that bad at holding liquor, mind you." He smirked to dispel her worry a little. "I just walked myself into a hole, but found the bottom and sprang up. Sometimes it's the only way." He found her eyes. "You don't upset me at all. The reverse is true." His restless chopsticks built a small pyramid out of remaining tsukemono without him looking. |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 1:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
The insistance that he could hold his alcohol, paired with that smirk, she couldn't help but to give a playful roll of her eyes. At least it dispelled her worry, which was his goal. "The reverse...? No, Sanjuro," Utsu shook her head, "you don't upset me. Well, a little when you make me fuss and worry about your well-being, but I am not upset with you." She breathed a heavy sigh, placing down her chopsticks. "What happened then... I bear you no ill will over it. Far from it." |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 3:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"I am glad about that. On my end it is as far from ill will as one can get too." He put down the chopsticks too when she turned a little playful, his usual frown dissipating, eyes opening wider. "As time passes, each time I look back, the circumstances fade more, but you remain as you were." |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 3:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
She looked down for a moment, nodding. "Thank you." It was at least a small relief, that he did not blame her for it all... even if she could have said no to her husband, protested and refused. Looking back, she knew she did not have the strength then to do it, and she wasn't even sure if she had it now after seeing what it had done to the two brothers. Would it had changed their growing distance though? Or the outcome of her own marriage, for better or worse? Her elbows on the table, her fingers entwined as she rested her chin on her hands. "I don't hate Ryuden for this either," Utsu confessed, finding the moment for once right to speak her mind to someone who was part of it all. "Mostly because I still blame myself for much of it. For not saying no when I should have. Even more so after seeing how much it all must have hurt you." |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 4:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
He moved to the sat of the table, closer to her, looking at her be-lecterned face from an angle. His fingers were put on the rim of the table rather than in his sleeves when they often were. "If we have come to the point when we don't blame or hate each other, just ourselves, how about we quit that too? None of us had much choice or agency when it began. In some petty sense perhaps, but had you said no at that time, would it all be better now? I doubt that. Bah, I know for a fact it would be worse without them. l love them both." He slowly turned toward her and leaned over just a bit. Perhaps just to lower his voice. "And later on, I was not hurt. I was not victimised. Nor tricked. Nor charitable. I wanted it, Utsu. With every fibre of my being." |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 5:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"They are both sweet children," she agreed with a warm chuckle. It wasn't hard to read on her face that she was thinking of them already. Despite the circumstances, she loved her children dearly and every moment spent with them often easened her own mind. Then Sanjuro's words felt like a bomb. Her On slipped, obviously surprised at his confession as some of the colour drained from her already pale face. She opened her mouth to speak, but it was just a brief stutter. Then, it seemed to make some sense to her, in its own twisted way. "... He knows that," she said, and feeling incredibly dumb for stating something that seemed so bloody obvious. Was that why this family had now estranged eachother so completely? |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 5:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"Sure he does, but it matters less to me now. Neither of us is a vial of reagents to be put away when the experiment succeeds. But to see this clearly and reject it, it took time." Seeing her blanching, he brought his lips to her forehead and pecked it gently, saying nothing more for now. |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 6:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
His words not only made her feel worse, for these feelings that she did not want to requite, but also made her feel anger towards Ryuden. For it made sense, the way Sanjuro had said it, that he regarded both of them as just components in an experiment - only now to be discarded now that he had the results. It made her realise that he had never truly shared her interest in making this family work, like it should. Like she wanted. At his kiss, she blinked. And realised that moisture had built up as she felt a tear roll down. "I'm sorry... Sanjuro..." she lowered her gaze, unable to sort out her own emotions. |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 6:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
Immediately after the tear rolled he extended his caring embrace around her, to fall into if she needed it. "Let's be done with apologies for a while, mmm?" |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
She did not resist the embrace, but rather let herself find comfort in it. It did occurr to her that she was tired of being sorry... and how it had been instilled in her since childhood to apologise and excuse herself over things that were out of her control. "Yes, s-...," Utsu cut herself off before she started the ingrained routine. "I'm just upset. Not with you." With your brother. "And I did not know that is how it was for you. I thought... I thought you had felt something similar to what I did over the whole thing, because of your distance. I see now that I misunderstood." |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
He made it comfortable for her in a perfectly secure, unwavering frame, with arms hardened by years of smith's work. "It took me a while to understand it myself. Though I still don't know if anything could have been different had I been quicker in it." He stroked her hair gently, careful not to upset combs and kanzashi. "What I know is that when you sought me out on your own back then, I believed you, in you. What I felt with you was true to me." |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
Well, that kind of hurt. Not like the stab of a knife or something sudden, but like a heavy stone sinking in her stomach, weighing her down further. She trembled, unwilling to allow herself to cry or voice yet another apology. The truth would have to hurt, but it would hurt even more to not speak up. "I was lonely..." her voice nearly broke as her feeling of shame poured through with the words, "Ryuden, he... he would not even touch me or treat me like his wife who had done everything he ever asked, even sharing a bed with his own brother at his request just to bear him the child he could not give me himself. I might as well had been dead for all he seemed to care. I needed... I needed to feel that I was still someone wanted, someone who mattered. I... didn't know where else to turn." What little composure she had left shattered into quiet sobs. |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
Perhaps she underestimated his resilience, or the extent he had thought it through, because there was no repulsion, no sign of being hurt, no cut to breath or heartbeat. If anything changed, it was greater care he had for her, embracing her closer into cradling, to ease her trembling. "It's alright. I know it was something like that. But I wanted you like no other woman all the same. And you mattered to me like no other woman all the same. Circumstances be damned. This is my truth. The world may call them his, and they are unlikely to ever know otherwise. I won't tell them. But in my heart I have never forsaken them... Nor you." |
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| Author: | Agasha Utsusemi [ Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
It took her a few moments and a couple of deep breaths to regain some composure. "I... am thankful you could be that support for me then, Sanjuro. I really am, because I do not know if I could have gone on... for Yoshi-kun's sake, and Tsucchan's sake later, had you not been there when I needed someone. But, I think I should have the chance to say this just one more time tonight; I am sorry I cannot requite your feelings. I care for you, I do, but not in the way you deserve." She breathed deeply once more as she gave him a firm hug. "Which is why I want you to be with someone who can make you happy. You deserve it. A part of me hoped it could have been Koharu-san..." |
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| Author: | Agasha Sanjuro [ Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:14 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Another Turn Of The Wheel (D1, LE, The Wheel) |
"It's fine." He said, releasing the hold to let her slip out of it. "It's how it is." He added after a long pause, then shrugged with a small smile. "You're probably tired after a long day, no?" |
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